


Wavering Heart

by sobangcha (shapuccinno)



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: F/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon, Romance, based on a song by fullkawa, i'm fullkawa trash, i'm karuri trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 03:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shapuccinno/pseuds/sobangcha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first day you saw her with make-ups on her face, you ruined her mascara.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wavering Heart

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: assassination classroom belongs to matsui yuusei.

Revisiting bad memories wasn't a pleasant thing to do, but you were going to do it anyway. 

It was your first Tanabata without her, someone you never met for a whole year, yet you were still unaccustomed with the idea of you two being separated. As you slide on your bicycle under the cold, dark canopy of the night sky, you began to ponder what significance she had in your life, and why you still went after her even after a year. Letting go seemed easier on paper. Suddenly you remembered about the five stages of loss and based on your self-assessment, it seemed like you were still at the denial stage; you wondered when would you reach your own resolution (or maybe the answer was _you would never_ ).

 

You slowed your bicycle as you entered a crowded street. Of course tonight would be going to be crowded, since hey, today was the time when Orihime and Hikoboshi would meet. You turned your head, scanned your surrounding. The street was filled with lots of people; kids, teens, adults, even the olds. You noticed that the _yukata_ of some girls you encountered had the same pattern with the one she wore last year (it was a white _yukata_ with sakura petals pattern), and some of them also dye their long hair blonde just like she did. Finding her among these lot of people would be a pain in the ass, especially if she didn't re-dye her hair and just left it black, but you were confident with yourself. You were confident with your sharpness, your reasoning skill, your intelligence. Those things were the virtues that you, Akabane Karma, was very proud of. After all, those things were your most precious gift, not only you knew about that, but she knew, too.

 

But sometimes your genius brain decided to be stupid and interfered with your current task by rewinding old, bad memories, when you unintentionally passed over a place that you wished never existed since a year ago. You stopped in front of the place as you feel sudden emotional outburst and uneasy feelings in your chest and stomach. Here comes it, an aggressive urge to destroy, but hell, you would lose if you give in to the urge and you would become much more stupid. You gritted your teeth while turned your face away. It was funny that you had that much negative feelings about that place, a small park between the houses, even if it had no mistakes that it did to you. You just happened to had an unforgettable argument there, last year. The blame was on you but still you wanted the park to cease to exist. The park was simply there, the one who had the short temper was you.

 

As the bitter taste in your mouth was getting more intense, you biked as faster as possible between this ocean of people.

At least, with your intelligence you now realize that you always had been so stupid when it comes to her. You remembered that how you went to school early in the morning to wait for her at the station and spent the entire commuting trip to talk about how dollar value had risen. That wasn't without reasons, though. After you two went to different schools that was the only way to talk with her again, since there was no way to talk with her in the classroom like you did in middle school. Sometimes you skipped your breakfast because you stay up late the night before, and she would only laugh and muttered "stupid" within her breath. You spent your night texting her with random conversations until you forgot your homeworks. You had three turned down confession before she finally agreed to go out with you. Yeah, you had always been stupid since the start, but you thought that you couldn't be that stupid for all the time, since the last time you did something stupid resulted in a crumbled relationship.

You didn't know whether looking for her today fall into the "stupid" category or not. The thing was you didn't even care.

Perhaps it was indeed stupid because when you finally found her, standing alone in front of a shrine gate wearing her trademark white yukata with sakura petal pattern, you couldn't even start the conversation properly. She called your name first, with a puzzled smile.

"Hello," you replied, "Nakamura."

So it was back to Nakamura, after months of Rio-san or only Rio. She nodded, and said hello back, even if she already did it.

"Long time no see, eh?"

A whole year, you wanted to add. But you didn't since Rio's reply was very much a formality.

"How are you?" You asked. Just for another formality.

"Well, I'm fine, I guess. You seemed fine, too."

"Yes, I am."

Even if it was awkward, she was still radiant as always. Her blue eyes reflected her own thinking capability, which was close to you. You noticed that she might had touched up her dye, and you saw her wearing make-ups for the first time after knowing her. You always thought that she was pretty enough without make-ups, but tonight she looked even prettier, more ethereal, thank you for the magic of foundations and eyeliner and mascara and lipstick or whatever. You wondered if she actually had seeing someone, but it was not your business, it hers.

"Alone?" You started again.

"Waiting for a friend."

"I see."

The silence was more poignant than awkward. To get rid of this unpleasant sensation, you knew that you have to say something, yet you still couldn't help to bring another topic to keep this conversation alive. After all, one of your favorite things to do was talking to Nakamura Rio, even if sometimes her jokes weren't funny or she wouldn't listen to you if she was moody enough. You thought about university, but somehow you felt afraid to hear her answer.

"So, are you alone?" Rio asked. Basically repeating what you had asked to her.

"Yeah."

"Sounds like you," she smiled, slightly awkwardly. "To go out in Tanabata night alone just with your bicycle, sounds really something you will do."

You admitted that she knew you so well, that's why you didn't argue. When silence came again there was an urge to bite your nails but Rio never liked it, the fact that your nail grew prettily in the last two years was thanks to her.

"Hey," you turned your head, finally encourage yourself to stare directly at her. "Sometimes it feels empty, you know, going to school without you."

She looked stunned, from how her pupils were widened, but she still stood there, as cool as she always was. "I see."

"I'm really sorry."

Finally. Those words you never uttered these last 365 days. You noticed how her eyes were suddenly getting so much sparkly than before.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too if I ever done something bad to you. I'm really sorry."

"I miss you."

"Are you, by chance, asking to get us back together ... again?"

You didn't answer. You already expected this question to come. But the answer was neither yes or no.

"I'm going to study abroad. In America." After a long sigh, she muttered. You were not surprised since you knew since middle school that this girl was always aspired to be a diplomat. Studying abroad would be an alternative she would like to try. Despite that, you felt something empty inside you. The girl who was used to be your source of light and joy, was going to see another side of the sky.

"... That's good."

"How about you, though? Staying in Japan?"

"Didn't get the permission to study abroad so yeah. Staying here." Here, with the memories, bad or good. "Good luck, anyway."

"Thank you. Good luck to you ... too."

She finished her sentence by turning away her head, as if she didn't want you to see her face.

"What's wrong?" You looked so concerned.

"It's okay! Just ... just my eyelashes are getting in the way!"

You wouldn't believe someone who said they're okay with a slight sob and face turned like that. Pretty clear enough that she was trying really hard not to cry. You never need to pry her open, since you could read her like an open book anyway. It was not like you mind her to cry. You remembered that a year ago, she didn't cry, so now if she was really crying, you wouldn't tell her to stop, since it was not only painful for her but also for you. You, who was once said that you won't be the one who ruined her mascara if she ever wear one, did something that causing her to cry. You felt bitter, you felt a lot more stupid than before. You couldn't do anything.

* * *

 

_**"It seems like I still love you. Does it sound like a lie?"** _

 

* * *

She turned you down for the fourth time. You already expected this.

Something that you didn't expect was her goodbye message:

_"Please be okay," she muttered. "Always."_

**Author's Note:**

> this is what will you get if you listen to fullkawa's songs while thinking about your goddamn minor otp


End file.
